the noblest profession

gazing at millennial stardust through telescopes,
armed with hocus pocus degrees called phdees,
in rooms strewn with papers on fractal geometry,
welcome to the profession called astronomy.

it requires tremendous intelligence and abstraction,
a penchant for modelling heavy gravitational interaction,
and if needed perform thermal infra-red spectroscopy,
all to pull down the trousers of some orthodox ideology.

but us heathen may not be blessed with the brains,
to optimise functions under inequality constraints,
nor may we be adept at mathematica or matlab,
thereby guaranteeing our place outside their labs.

but despair not for we have our own profession,
one that can rival both in scope and perfection,
so while they are busy dissecting cosmic mysteries,
we will celebrate our place with almond crème pastries.

see, ours is the noblest profession of gastronomy,
where we specialize in the ingestion of the tasty,
and our tongues are the tools of our beloved trade,
and no one in their right mind can make a getaway.

for michelin three star chefs will quake in their shoes,
upon us analyzing sautéed mushrooms and cashews,
and every mother's idli and chutney is an ardent test,
of our impartiality and brevity at its best.

our profession truly appreciates simple moments,
breadcrumbs in tomato soups really are ornaments!
and our aesthetic sensibilities extend beyond normal,
tandoori paneer on pizza can never be abnormal!

now, you may have already recognized and imbibed,
that our profession's worth cannot be told or described,
for we investigate mini-universes in bowls and plates,
and like some hindu gods we do hesitate to lose weight.

so next time you see an astronomer and a gastronomer,
sitting peacefully next to each other at a dinner party,
when your stomach is asleep and appetite is awake,
choose the man who will add buttercream icing to your fate.


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